Support Your Husband Because the Early Years of Parenting Can Tear You Apart

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Fathers need support, especially in the early years with children. They are often neglected and forgotten about in our rushed world.

Every day I meet couples who are preparing for a baby. They are invested in starting a new chapter in their lives. By simply being taking the time to become educated for the beginning of parenthood, to achieve their goal of setting themselves up for the very beginning stages of parenthood.

These men and women remind me constantly how important and incredible good parents and good fathers are.

During pregnancy, childbirth, and the early days of postpartum many people keep their focus on the mother and the baby, they focus on mom’s struggles and needs, and then when the baby comes the focus turns to the new little being. It is during these times that society as a whole fails mothers, the early postpartum days. She needs support and is often neglected in our culture. Mom, however, is not the only person who has challenges and needs support. Fathers need support too, especially in the early years with children. They too are often neglected and forgotten about in our rushed world. In fact, paternal postpartum depression is a real thing, and it affects up to 10% of men from the first trimester of their partner’s pregnancy through the first 6 months after a child is born.

Paternal postpartum depression is marked like postpartum depression in women. In fact, there is a 68% increase in the rate of depression in men after a mom has given birth, which is close to the statistics of postpartum depression in women. Even the causes of postpartum depression in men have been linked to similar causes of postpartum depression in women: changes in hormonal levels like a drop in testosterone and an increase in estrogen, financial problems, a colicky baby, a premature baby, or health issues for the mother or the baby. Additionally, the lack of sleep for the first 6 months of a child’s life increases the rate of depression in men.

For men, however, postpartum depression is never mentioned. Many couples are completely unaware that paternal postpartum depression even exists, much less the idea that their partner might succumb to it. It is imperative that families learn about the possibility of paternal postpartum depression and its signs so that they can help create a healthy environment for both themselves and their growing family.

Some signs and risk factors of paternal postpartum depression are:

Irritable or easily agitated
Anger or rage
Panic attacks
Abuse of alcohol or drugs
Consuming themselves with work
Lack of interest in things they usually enjoy
History of depression in themselves or their immediate family
Feelings of worthlessness or suicidal thoughts
A partner with postpartum depression

If you suspect your partner might have paternal postpartum depression, encourage them to visit their doctor or mention it to your child’s doctor at your next health and wellness check-up to learn of any resources in your area.

There are some ways you might be able to help a new father reconnect, help prevent paternal postpartum depression, or help with the recovery of paternal postpartum depression. I have some ideas on this subject, but they are just ideas. If there is something that speaks to you, use it. If not, move on.

Remember Fun

Remembering fun doesn’t mean you need to party all the time or take a yearly cruise. Most of us can’t afford that anyway. It means keeping those important pieces of you that help you feel whole.

The partner can facilitate this by carving out a little bit of time for the other person to relax- and do it without resentment.

Remember Each Other
It’s easy with a new baby to get so wrapped up that we forget that anyone else has ever existed. Babies can be so demanding and needy that by the end of the day, a loving mother may not feel like even touching anyone else.

Remembering your partner and the love you share can help dad feel supported and remembered during these early years.

The children grow older and they will, in turn, find strength from the love you share together, even if you had difficulty nurturing it when they were little.

Go on dates. Take breaks. Focus on each other. Be intimate. In the long run, this helps EVERYONE.

Remember Love

Remember to love each other and forgive each other.

Sometimes the realities of having young children can literally drive you out of your mind.

But don’t forget. Remember to love. Remember to forgive. Remember that these moments of raising babies are just that: moments. Remember that you are ALL learning. Babies and children are learning how to live outside of mama. Women are learning to mother and sacrifice. Fathers are learning the same and the pressures can be very great.

A good partner wants to help, wants to provide, wants to support, but it can be very hard and very draining. The sacrifices for both you and your partner are great and it can be hard to remember when we are lost in the fog of our own problems.

Remember each other and remember why you love each other.

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